For 38 years I was a happy confident person, willing to stick my neck out, and my finger in, to see what would happen when I gave things a kick. Since having my Kundalini awakening however I have been suffering with a lack of confidence and seemingly ordinary things that everybody does can fill me with fear. The reason for this I feel is because I have been given a vision of a larger world, one in which my old understanding of things has been literally shattered. This new larger world is something I could have never imagined, and I am something like an alien being dropped off for the first time in the middle of a busy human city and told to get on with it.
It takes time I keep telling myself, my confidence will return when I can get a grasp of all that is going on around me, and I keep taking baby steps which is something at least. My core is solid, I know that, and I have been tested and demonstrated it, I know my soul is safe also, so I just have to crack this normal behaviour problem. If only the people around me knew that their blinkers are in place and stopping them from seeing reality, but then I bet the majority like the security their blinkers provide and would never remove them. Itís only the daring few that take them off to face the strangeness of existence. Believe me I wouldnít go back for the world, and while I can relate to Cypher in the movie The Matrix; wanting to be put back in system, that is not my path, but I just hope that it doesnít take too long as Iím no spring chicken any more.
I think Iíve got a grasp of the corner pieces of this
Kundalini puzzle and Iím filling in the edges, however there is a whole
middle section that I have no idea about yet, and between holding down
a job, dealing with a young family, and trying to cope with my own issues,
there is not a lot of room left for exploring the unknown, but Iím trying.