Kundalini Anniversary

So I had hopes for my first Kundalini anniversary, would I get the same experience as last year? would it be better or worse? could I possibly achieve the same blissful state which started me on my journey 12 months ago, and would I have to edure horrible states of mind again.

In short the answer has been no, but that doesn't mean that nothing has happened, rather it has been a different experience to the one I was wanting. The three days which I waited for were the 26th 27th, and 28th most significantly, and nothing happened at all. I was pleased on one count because the horrors which I lived through last year were not reoccuring, however the flip side joy and amazement also were not happening, and I have missed this greatly, and sadly.

What has happened on this 29th has been a lesser experience of pingala rising, and bringing with it all sorts of anguish aimed I think at upsetting me and my family. Chiefly this christmas my aim has been to not upset my family in the same way I did last year, so that is a score of 1-0 to me on that front. Now the anguish of which I speak came on in the early hours of this morning and would not leave me for several hours. I had thoughts of work and how it is really the last place on earth that I want to return to in a week's time, and once this past I was just left with a dread about nothing in particular. I have survived it today however, and I find that my detatchment has been put to the test in a way which it was not posssible to test previously, and this is the real story of this Christmas I think.

There is still time for a blissful experience but i'm not hopeful now that I will get one, perhaps I should be happy with detachment alone.