My Kundalini Awakening - day 2
Tonight it is eldest daughter’s turn, the evil having failed to get me yesterday is coming for my child. Why didn’t this occur to me sooner, I am so stupid, but at least I have now complied and now hopefully I can prevent this.
I am relaxed and my eldest sleeps soundly next to me, but then I have the urge to visit the toilet and have to get out of bed and leave her. I am quick to return but as I do she starts crying out again, it is so horrible and she seems that she is a lot of pain, her body jerks and twists like someone in the agony of burning, yet she is not quite awake and I can only imagine that this is some sort of attack upon her. As I attempt to quiet her down, my mother in law comes into the room.
‘Oh, I didn’t realise you were in here,’ she says
knowingly, ‘Can I help?’
A couple of minutes pass and thankfully I get my eldest calm and she starts to fall asleep, so I continue to hold her hand for a while longer until I can see that her breathing has slowed right down and she is properly sleeping. It is quite a relief that whatever caused her to react that way has stopped but I fear that this is just the beginning of tonight’s incursions. As I relax once again and close my eyes to attempt meditation I am struck with a vision of something attacking me, it is a bony clawed hand lashing at me and my whole body flinches with the shock. I open my eyes and sit up gasping for air and I am suddenly fearful like I will not be able to take the next breath, but as the fear grips me I am equally flooded with an opposing sense of calm. Here we go! I think to myself and lie down again. I speak the Lord’s prayer aloud and start to ask Jesus and God for help as I did before. I am answered with the electric rushing feeling to the base of my skull and it quickly spreads over the length of my body. I feel I have been offered protection once again and it is just in the nick of time as a new vision of contorted and horrible greyish green faces appear in my mind’s eye, they again cause me to flinch at their grotesque intrusion, but I quickly ask for more help and another wave of energy passes over me. The faces seem to taunt and berate me and their eyes glow red as they fly in close to me and back away again.
Something in the room now seems to stalk me from the bottom of the bed, but I dare not open my eyes for fear of bringing it into reality, but despite this the stalker seems to pace around and it occasionally comes close and bends to be next to my face, I can feel its breath on my cheek. I inwardly ask for help again and I am sent a number of surges of energy which course through my body. I could most accurately describe the surges as a powerful shiver like sensation, but whereas a shiver radiates across one’s body on the surface, this electric surge is more powerful and seems to follow the deep nerve pathways, along the spine and outwards towards the extremities. Another difference is that a shiver is simply a reaction to cold, whereas this surge brings with it a powerful emotional content that is both scary and euphoric. However despite this I am plagued with visions of evil twisted disembodied faces diving at and this entity in the room moves noisily and I can hear its arthritic bones crunch and crack as it does so. With the receipt of a new wave of electric energy I start thanking God and Jesus, but as I do so the entity in the room with me leaps onto the bed with me and sits on my chest, I am rapidly paralysed and struggle to breathe beneath its weight. It leans forward and what I assume is its nose touches my cheek, and my fear returns multiplied. I try to remain calm and ask for more help from the lord but none is forthcoming. My breathing is becoming more shallow and I consider that this might be the end of me, but I have so much more to do in life and I have the strongest desire to protect and raise my children. I again run through the lord’s prayer in my mind and concentrate hard on the feeling of protecting my daughters, and with this I am again rewarded with a throb of current passing through my body which banishes the entity from my chest. I ask for help from everyone who I have ever admired or respected or who has taught me something in my life; Alan Watts, Carlos Castaneda, Aldous Huxley, George Noory, Alex Jones, David to name just a few. In return they seem to send rushes of spiritual electricity burn through my body.
The spiritual electricity happens so fast that I begin to cry with the awesome power that is running through in me, I again thank everyone for contributing and continue to do so as the skeletal visions and the entity start to fade back into the night. This seems to continue for a few minutes, it is hard to judge the time, and I begin to feel safe from attack. The feelings persist and it is so wonderful, I cry and cry at the wonder of existence and this amazing sensation that is like a non sexual whole body orgasm, it is unlike anything I have ever felt before and it is beyond love and so very addictive that I want more and more and don’t want it to stop now it has begun. Tears run down my cheeks and begin to soak my pillow below and again i thank everyone I can think of, dead or alive, who may have contributed to my saviour tonight. I wonder if this is the experience in religion that I’ve heard about called the ecstasy of the saints, and it certainly seems to fit with what I have read about it. At some point, I don’t know how much later, the electrical feelings start to die back and the intensity and length of the waves of energy lessen with every pulse until I am again just lying on the bed in safety and security. I take a few deep breaths and compose my thoughts, I already miss the feeling and crave it again like some drug addicted hapless wretch.
My phone beeps with the alert for a new text message. I wonder if I should check it and for a while just remain lying here, but the urge to see gets the better of me and I reach for the phone and roll over to read the message.
‘Hello mate… Just seeing how you are doing? :)’
It is a message from a friend and I start to feel smug at my progress this night, and my banishing of the evil, but at that moment I feel a terror rising in me. This is a message timed conveniently with the end of the attack and must be intended to put me into an inflated ego state. As the terror rises, I understand that this is a trick and I have fallen for it. My ego builds at my accomplishment, and in doing so it lets the evil back into me. As soon as I realise what is happening, I put the phone down and concentrate hard on closing down my egoic self. For a while I battle with my inflated ego and its proud feeling of victory, and I undertake a delicate trick of the mind where I have to squash my ego so that the evil feeling also subsides with it.
As I regain control of my feelings, I curse my so called friend for setting this up. I imagine that he must be with a gang somewhere performing a rite or ceremony and I want to cast shame on him for being a part of this. With this latest attack on my sanity now abated I become overcome with the urge to return to the toilet room. I do not want to go but the compulsion drags me out of bed and down the hall. I enter the room, take down my shorts and sit there waiting for the urination to begin but nothing happens. So I wait and wait but there is nothing coming. I wonder to myself why I felt so strongly the need to come to the toilet room if I did not need to go, and then my vision falls on a bottle of alcohol hand cleaner. I find that before I know what I am doing I have removed my t-shirt and shorts and I am rubbing my body down with the alcohol rub. I strongly feel the need to cleanse myself and liberally cover myself in the lotion, it is weird because I do not know why I am doing this, yet I continue as if guided by another. After I finish I put back on my shorts and t-shirt and return to the bedroom.
Lying down, I find that I begin to see visions of disembodied
haggered old female faces again and they fly at me and outstretched
arms try to slash at me. I concentrate hard on what seems like a holy
task before me in the bedroom and ask for help from anyone who will
listen. I am rewarded with a surge of energy and the vision fades to
leave me back in the bedroom.
‘Do not mistake my kindness towards you, for weakness. You have seen now what I am capable of and you’d be advised to cease all of your aggression towards me and my daughters. This ends now, and will not reoccur because I forgive you.’
When it begins to get light and the night ends, I fill
up with emotion and cry a little at my making it safely into another
day. I can’t quite believe that I am still here in one piece, and still
have my sanity, but the facts speak for themselves and while I am still
sure there is more to come I feel that I have turned a corner in my
Christmas trial. With the daylight arriving I eventually fall asleep
myself, safe in the knowledge that there is nothing further for me to