Integrating a Kundalini Awakening: Difficulties and Complications

A lot is said about the initial Kundalini Awakening experience, but to the best of my knowledge not much support is available to those that have been through the initial stages, and have residual complications in their lives as a result.
I would like to firstly state that I do not believe the Kundalini is malevolent in any way, however the awakening and the passage of Kundalini Shakti through your body is going to open up the experiencer to a lot of unprocessed stuff from their life, and possibly from past lives. It is this aspect of the process that drives people to say that Kundalini is evil, but really it is just clearing the Karmic record in you.
If you can come through this either with the strength to face your past, or perhaps if you have lead an innocent life, where it is will pass with ease, then there is a new world awaiting you. It is not all roses afterwards as I will demonstrate, but it is definitely growth like puberty, or maybe you could call it evolution, and I would now never choose to go back to how things were before.

Gopi Krishna wrote about some very hard times following his Awakening and found that stopping meditation all together was the only way to manage his symptoms. I found that meditation and pranayama did not bring me any further complications, but it did seem to stop working altogether for me.
It has been 3 years now since my Awakening and mostly I am able to carry on with my life, and so I assume I have integrated Kundalini Shakti into my life, but it hasnít been a smooth ride. However I am now able to verbalise what has happened to me.
I can sum up my after effects in two classes. The first being physical, and the second mental.
The physical symptoms I experienced were: increased heartbeat, insomnia, and food allergies.
The mental symptoms are harder to pin down and explain, but they can be generalised as: anxiety, altered perception of the world, mental disturbance with illness, and inhabiting a mind that no longer feels like my own.
I will discuss each and how I coped, with the aim of helping those starting out to know what they are getting into, and those who do not know how to deal with their new environment after an awakening.

Heartbeat
Following my awakening I have had an elevated heartbeat, all the time, for years, and itís even quicker if I now get stressed or worried about something. No amount of meditation or breathing will calm it and despite going to a doctor and getting an all clear report on my heart muscle it is something that I cannot get used to. Itís like my metabolism has speeded up, and a year ago I lost a lot of weight I think principally due to this. It was apparent to me by taking my pulse, and by having a higher body temperature, as well as feeling my heart more strongly beating than I have ever been used to. My heart also seems to beat non-uniformly and I get feelings occasionally that it has stopped altogether. I gasp as some kind of mechanism to get it going again, or at least thatís how it feels.
Over time I have had lessening symptoms but it has taken years. Iíve done nothing to improve my situation, and I just had to wait it out. Moderate exercise seemed to help a little later in the day, but in truth I never exhausted myself regularly to see if it made any more of a difference. Simply the passage of time has helped.

Insomnia
The most difficult part of existing over the last few years has been a constant insomnia. It really takes the wind out of your sails when you donít sleep all night and have to go to work, day after day after day. Typically I would have no trouble getting off to sleep, but would wake some time later and then not be able to sleep the rest of the night. I would suffer a racing mind, and a lot of heat in my system causing me to take of my t-shirt and throw of my covers. During those nights I ended up passing the time listening to the radio on my headphones, and itís a habit that I carry on today.
I have found that sleep drugs can help and for many months beyond the recommended period of medication I binged on Nytol, which is diphenhydramine hydro chloride. Unfortunately the effect wears off with time and I had eventually to seek prescription medication in the form of Zopiclone.
Many months later I am now mostly over the worst of my insomnia, and again it was simply a case of waiting for the energy to subside. I can now sleep most nights without assistance, although the next symptom on my list can catch me out still and cause an upset night for me.

Allergies
Since my awakening I found that certain things I ate for dinner contributed to poor sleep later that night. My stomach seemed unusually upset and it would rumble all night long. I tried antacids, milk, and paracetamol, but nothing would stop the problem. I wouldnít say that Iíve had a cast iron constitution before, but I never had the problems I do now. Iíve tried manipulating my guts with my fingers, and resorted to lying on my front and on a rolled up pillow to try and aid my digestion, but this didnít really help. I got some relief when I spontaneously threw a Kriya while lying in bed. It was like a Vriksasana and I breathed deeply into my stomach which felt better, and I began to sleep in this position for a time, but only to wake an hour or so later.
Over time I began to identify which foods were causing me trouble, and I began to cut them out. Why these things caused me digestive and mental problems I do not know, however from experimentation with foods I was able to determine what would wake me up about midnight and prevent me from getting back to sleep.
Principally I discovered that potatoes, and in particular potato skin would cause me great intestinal discomfort hours after consuming them. Similarly Bell pepper would do the same thing. I tried to research why these were causing me problems and largely failed, but there was a potential link to the pesticides used on these foods, and I wonder if I have actually become sensitive to pesticides rather than the vegetables themselves.

Anxiety
Since my awakening I have had bouts of anxiety that last anything from a few minutes to a few hours. 3 years later these are mostly over, but I still occasionally get a PTSD like flashback of some of the more difficult parts of my awakening. Over time I have learnt to just sit out these bouts, and my fears are never realised, but this is difficult and Iíve had to be very controlled and strong not to run from them, both figuratively and literally.
Surrender has become a by-word of my everyday life and of my thinking. For the most part my anxiety was over either stupid little things that I would blow up to mean something else, or it was over fantastical unreal things. And unfortunately Kundalini did not assist in alleviating my anxiety in the relm of fantasy as it kept throwing new fantastical positive things at me.
Today I have a different relationship with my anxiety. It is as if the now lesser force is there to motivate me into action. When I havenít done what I should have, or if I have done something I shouldnít have, it is there to remind me of how to be moral and right thinking.

Altered perception of the world
Immediately after my awakening I realised the world we can experience was a lot bigger, and far deeper than I had realised. I looked back on my previous years and realised that I had been waiting for judgement, in Gods waiting room perhaps. I must have sat there for years, just waiting to be seen, and then I was put through a test, the biggest test of my life. Thankfully I passed and I stepped into a new reality. This reality was one where my shields were gone, I guess you could say my ignorance was lost.
The world was no longer simply a rock on which intelligent life lived, it was intelligence itself, and was conscious. I could talk to it using a rudimentary for of Kundalini communication. I could also talk to other consciousnessís both alive and dead. These consciousnessís knew no respect for my routine and interrupted when they wanted to, whether I was awake or asleep at the time. I began to understand what mystics called vibrations and felt them within me. I was now fearful of one of my previously favourite movie genres, Horror. If I watched one I now knew that rather than harmless fun, these things I saw could actually really happen. I had experienced them, and wasnít too happy about being reminded of the possibilities.
In all I would say that my perception has matured, I am no longer a boy, protected by mother earth from the reality of consciousness, but rather I am now a man. Itís like the Christians say, when God thinks you are ready he will not only reveal himself, but he will introduce you to the devil.

Mental disturbance with illness
Now when I catch a cold, or get the flu I do not just get physical symptoms, I also get mental ones. I feel like I am losing my mind and I have to suffer not only the dilapidating effects of headaches, bunged up nose, aches and pains, but enhanced anxiety, confused thinking, feelings of the world changing from what it should be, and fear of the unknown as well.
I simply need to retire to bed, and sleep it off but this is not always an option and I may need to work, deal with my kids, pretend to be enjoying my time with friends, or finish the weekly shop.
Iíve not read anywhere about this symptom of Kundalini, nor have I heard anyone talk about it, so Iím on my own here. Iím not sure I can offer any advice to you other than it will pass with the illness, and good mental health will return.

Inhabiting a mind that no longer feels like my own
I have had three major Kundalini episodes including my awakening. My mind would be incorrectly described as expanded, and rather it has been shattered and reformed. I have been trying to regain a sense of normality while being subject to such feelings as sensations outside of my skull that are rather halo like, feelings like around every corner there is another world, the fear from knowing that evil is real and can pay me a visit, to test me over and over, and conversely that good is also a force that can be manifest by me.
This is an alien experience for me, I was always so grounded and boring and now I experience crazy spiritually tainted moments like a prophet of old. When I have been in the middle of a major Kundalini episode my mind has been perceiving all sorts of additional input and at its peak I felt like I was perceiving something like psychic ability, and that evil was talking directly to me through my friends and family, rather like can be seen in the movie Fallen with Denzel Washington.
You may be wondering if I sought medical help. Well I did only on a promise to my wife, if it were not for her pushing me and my seeing the fear in her eyes, I wouldnít have. It did not help me however, and all the mental health people wanted to say was that I had an acute psychotic break (three in total), despite me telling them of my yoga practise and of Kundalini energy, and they said I needed medicating. The pharmaceutical treatment I received did nothing to help, and it was basically down to me to come to terms with my new mind, and 3 years on and off any meds I think I have the measure of it.
I cannot offer medical advice, however if I had my time over again I would refuse the Olazapine I was offered in favour of counselling, reading about the Kundalini condition and seeking out others who have shared the experience. This last point is easier today than ever before in history, I think without the internet I would not have been able to reign myself in and understand that what I was going through was a recognised process.

Are there any good symptoms
In short, yes there are. The experience has been amazing, and I am very grateful for having been through it. Itís changed my life and I have seen things I would never have believed were possible. You remember that scene in the Wizard of Oz where Dorothy opens her fallen houseís door, and the black and white world becomes technicolour.

That is my experience.




 

What's your experience?

 

01/03/17

 

 

 

 

 

 

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