Active Kundalini In The Workplace

I have been working throughout my Kundalini experience, over two years now. With three major events having occurred in this time, i've had some time off to deal with those, but I wanted to write a little about some of the symptoms that occur in the day to day struggle, especially as Gopi krishna never gave details of his issues at work, and he must have had some. As far as I know Gopi wrote about broad brush strokes of his role, his change in jobs, and about the characters he worked with, but there is nothing about the effect of Kundalini on his mind in the office. So I feel the need to write about this aspect.

Firstly and most simplistically Kundalini is a distraction at work, my job is in an office of about 30 people and largely I spend my time at my desk or in a meeting. I find that often my mind wonders from what I should be doing to thinking about the absolute, I find this topic so enticing and my job by comparison so boring that I canít help but think about Kundalini, and analyse the behaviour of those around me.
I get symptoms in the office, I feel paranoia, and conversely I have moments of absolute bliss, and this can mess with my ability to perform. Luckily though I am capable and competent and my work is not too taxing at a technical level. I can complete my work duties easily and have time to think or to deal with symptoms arising. Unfortunately however I am in a role which deals with conflict of opinion, and judgement over peopleís actions, and I am not well liked by management. This can make things more difficult than if I were to roll over and go for the easy life of doing as I am told without question, but i'm not the go along to get along type and if i'm not being critisised then I feel I am not doing my job correctly. It is also unfortunate that my immediate boss is not on my side, mentally or spiritually, and has had his will broken and is the roll over type who is a lap dog for management.

Mental aberrations
- Paranoia (reading to much into things)
I go into spirals of thinking about things people have told me that actually take up a lot of energy as well as time, as I try to look at the statements from all angles and try to determine if there was any threat intended in what was said. This usually is only reserved for my superiors and their communication with me, but at severe times I tend to listen to colleagues who I determine to be under the thumb of management, and therefore communicating on their behalf. A recent example is from the Head of my department who keeps asking if I have watched a show on TV called the Making of a Murderer, and when I am in a paranoid state something like this is at first an interesting snippet of information, but it then descends through levels of over thinking into a subtle communication of a warning to me, in that if I do not behave then I will be targeted by unseen forces for termination. The reason I believe this kind of 1984 communication goes on is because of my company's rules on communication and the use of threats, and bullying in the workplace, which effectively rule out any direct confrontation. So instead suggestion/metaphor/parable is used in its place as this cannot be viewed externally or upheld as a threat. Of course I try to ignore these impulses, and of course I aim to do what it right not what my superiors may want me to do.

- Fear
When my thinking goes down the route of paranoia and I cannot resolve an issue successfully in my mind, then I begin to fear that i'm in for it. Sometimes my fear is without grounds and nothing happens, however a number of times I have been correct in thinking that something is up and have been called before management to explain and retract what I have said/reported for the sake of my job. It's interesting that people keep giving me advice to choose my battles more carefully, but I believe I do this already and that is why I am still employed today. What I think that they are really telling me is to never fight a battle in case I do not win. I actually have a good track record, not that it makes me feel any better.
There is also a fear that has no origin and will arrive in my brain leaving me wandering where is it coming from? This fear emanates from the Kundalini energy, and it leaves me fearful of nothing and I am unable to attribute any cause. As a result I am certainly distracted from my work and have to wait for it to pass, which it inevitably does.

- Feverish work
I like to have a number of things on the go generally, but when Kundalini comes knocking I tend to work feverishly, and want lots to do so that I can work hard and fast and do lots of swapping between jobs, and this brings me a sense of accomplishment. This may otherwise be called a mania I suppose, which is often looked upon as a bad thing.

- Impatience
Unfortunately when I am working feverishly I tend to be impatient with others, and cannot wait for inputs from people. I want it all now now now, and this can lead to symptoms of paranoia when people do not deliver on time. In general my impatience spills over into my life and is one thing I wish I could control better. When it comes to upcoming issues on work projects I tend to be ahead of the curve, future thinking, and my warnings about things tend to go unheeded as I am thinking further ahead than anyone else on the project, this can lead to me feeling ignored, and then later when my warnings are not heard and the situation occurs I feel unsatisfied as I have not done enough.

- Dissatisfaction
I am generally not satisfied with things that seem to satisfy others, but when Kundalini is in effect this feeling is amplified to the point where I want to throw in the towel and quit if things are not done correctly/truthfully. I can't stand working with stupid people and do not suffer fools gladly, and knowing that I have to conform and do as i'm told for the sake of my job means that I am often disssatisfied.

Physical sensations
- Hot sweats
There are times when my body heat increases such that I sweat a lot in the office, and it soaks my shirt, this typically does not come from my armpits (having applied deodorant) but is all over and specifically I feel hot in the head, around my upper back, or belly. I have learnt to wear a jumper to disguise this and to carry deodorant to disguise any smell. As well as the obvious effects, this can also be distracting for me and make me uncomfortable.

- Cold extremities
At times my body heat tends to pool in my centre mass and leaves my hands, feet, and head feeling cold and looking pale. This has no direct effect on my mental state, but to others I tend to look ill and they will comment. I do find that my ability to type fast lessens also. It is also uncomfortable and distracting for me.

- Elevated/heavy heartbeat
Kundalini tends to raise my heartbeat and or increase the pressure of my heartbeat, both of these effects can be distracting and lead to other effects such as sweating or cold extremities. It also tends to muddle my thinking and focus my thoughts on the sensation of a throbbing in my head/neck/chest. This effect can cause me to mistype what I am writing and means I cannot focus properly on my work. It rarely drives me in the direction of thinking about non-work issues, it is a stagnating problem meaning nothing gets done. Subsequent to this symptom I tend to be mentally tired/exhausted. I tend to be less inclined to talk to others during this symptom and am happy to be sat alone at my desk.

Kundalini symptoms
- Pressure at base of spine
I often feel a sensation in my lower back which I equate to Kundalini beginning to activate but not rising as the conditions are not right. To sit at my desk with this going on is distracting and uncomfortable, not only because of the feeling of pressure, but also because I wish it would get on with it and rise to become a Kundalini surge. The kind of undecided circling that it does is frustrating and prevents me from working, I tend to go for a walk when this happens.

- Surge
Kundalini when active can tend to tease me in the office, with feelings rising slightly in one Nadi only to sink back and just tickle the base of my spine. This can be pleasurable, but also distracting and can prevent me from working steadily. Iíve not yet had a full blown cascade of Kundalini surges, but Iíve had the odd single surge, seemingly just to remind me of its presence in my system.

- Altered states of mind
If I have an altered state of mind due to Kundalini at work I think it will be very hard for me to behave normally, it has only happened to me once so far and I took off out of the office, but I will not be able to work properly and I will be in danger of acting against my better interests, and depending on what happens this may end my career, so I hope that my track record continues.

- Bliss
It doesn't happen often but on occasion I have had the positive effect of Kundalini in the office following a single surge, and when the bliss kicks in I feel great, but it does have a detrimental effect on my work. I tend not to care about my work and lose interest in doing anything, my mood is high and I am more likely to wander off to the kitchen and talk to someone about anything but work. This obviously means I will not complete my tasks and could lead to trouble for me, thankfully this has not yet happened and I hope it continues this way.

Lastly, I have thought quite often that I should quit my job, but I cannot for metaphysical reasons as much as realistic ones. I have gotten this far being who I am, and despite people trying to change me. I believe it is my role in this life to stand and fight, and I cannot self-terminate. I am committed to the truth 100% and will tell it despite the craziness going on inside me thanks to Kundalini. I am reminded of a Disney movie my kids keep watching and a song from it that goes:

"Here I stand, and here I'll stay, let the storm rage on."


How do you manage at work?