Active Kundalini In The Workplace
I have been working throughout my Kundalini experience, over two years now. With three major events having occurred in this time, i've had some time off to deal with those, but I wanted to write a little about some of the symptoms that occur in the day to day struggle, especially as Gopi krishna never gave details of his issues at work, and he must have had some. As far as I know Gopi wrote about broad brush strokes of his role, his change in jobs, and about the characters he worked with, but there is nothing about the effect of Kundalini on his mind in the office. So I feel the need to write about this aspect.
Firstly and most simplistically Kundalini is a distraction
at work, my job is in an office of about 30 people and largely I spend
my time at my desk or in a meeting. I find that often my mind wonders
from what I should be doing to thinking about the absolute, I find this
topic so enticing and my job by comparison so boring that I can’t help
but think about Kundalini, and analyse the behaviour of those around
me.
I get symptoms in the office, I feel paranoia, and conversely I have
moments of absolute bliss, and this can mess with my ability to perform.
Luckily though I am capable and competent and my work is not too taxing
at a technical level. I can complete my work duties easily and have
time to think or to deal with symptoms arising. Unfortunately however
I am in a role which deals with conflict of opinion, and judgement over
people’s actions, and I am not well liked by management. This can make
things more difficult than if I were to roll over and go for the easy
life of doing as I am told without question, but i'm not the go along
to get along type and if i'm not being critisised then I feel I am not
doing my job correctly. It is also unfortunate that my immediate boss
is not on my side, mentally or spiritually, and has had his will broken
and is the roll over type who is a lap dog for management.
Mental aberrations
- Paranoia (reading to much into things)
I go into spirals of thinking about things people have told me that
actually take up a lot of energy as well as time, as I try to look at
the statements from all angles and try to determine if there was any
threat intended in what was said. This usually is only reserved for
my superiors and their communication with me, but at severe times I
tend to listen to colleagues who I determine to be under the thumb of
management, and therefore communicating on their behalf. A recent example
is from the Head of my department who keeps asking if I have watched
a show on TV called the Making of a Murderer, and when I am in a paranoid
state something like this is at first an interesting snippet of information,
but it then descends through levels of over thinking into a subtle communication
of a warning to me, in that if I do not behave then I will be targeted
by unseen forces for termination. The reason I believe this kind of
1984 communication goes on is because of my company's rules on communication
and the use of threats, and bullying in the workplace, which effectively
rule out any direct confrontation. So instead suggestion/metaphor/parable
is used in its place as this cannot be viewed externally or upheld as
a threat. Of course I try to ignore these impulses, and of course I
aim to do what it right not what my superiors may want me to do.
- Fear
When my thinking goes down the route of paranoia and I cannot resolve
an issue successfully in my mind, then I begin to fear that i'm in for
it. Sometimes my fear is without grounds and nothing happens, however
a number of times I have been correct in thinking that something is
up and have been called before management to explain and retract what
I have said/reported for the sake of my job. It's interesting that people
keep giving me advice to choose my battles more carefully, but I believe
I do this already and that is why I am still employed today. What I
think that they are really telling me is to never fight a battle in
case I do not win. I actually have a good track record, not that it
makes me feel any better.
There is also a fear that has no origin and will arrive in my brain
leaving me wandering where is it coming from? This fear emanates from
the Kundalini energy, and it leaves me fearful of nothing and I am unable
to attribute any cause. As a result I am certainly distracted from my
work and have to wait for it to pass, which it inevitably does.
- Feverish work
I like to have a number of things on the go generally, but when Kundalini
comes knocking I tend to work feverishly, and want lots to do so that
I can work hard and fast and do lots of swapping between jobs, and this
brings me a sense of accomplishment. This may otherwise be called a
mania I suppose, which is often looked upon as a bad thing.
- Impatience
Unfortunately when I am working feverishly I tend to be impatient with
others, and cannot wait for inputs from people. I want it all now now
now, and this can lead to symptoms of paranoia when people do not deliver
on time. In general my impatience spills over into my life and is one
thing I wish I could control better. When it comes to upcoming issues
on work projects I tend to be ahead of the curve, future thinking, and
my warnings about things tend to go unheeded as I am thinking further
ahead than anyone else on the project, this can lead to me feeling ignored,
and then later when my warnings are not heard and the situation occurs
I feel unsatisfied as I have not done enough.
- Dissatisfaction
I am generally not satisfied with things that seem to satisfy others,
but when Kundalini is in effect this feeling is amplified to the point
where I want to throw in the towel and quit if things are not done correctly/truthfully.
I can't stand working with stupid people and do not suffer fools gladly,
and knowing that I have to conform and do as i'm told for the sake of
my job means that I am often disssatisfied.
Physical sensations
- Hot sweats
There are times when my body heat increases such that I sweat a lot
in the office, and it soaks my shirt, this typically does not come from
my armpits (having applied deodorant) but is all over and specifically
I feel hot in the head, around my upper back, or belly. I have learnt
to wear a jumper to disguise this and to carry deodorant to disguise
any smell. As well as the obvious effects, this can also be distracting
for me and make me uncomfortable.
- Cold extremities
At times my body heat tends to pool in my centre mass and leaves my
hands, feet, and head feeling cold and looking pale. This has no direct
effect on my mental state, but to others I tend to look ill and they
will comment. I do find that my ability to type fast lessens also. It
is also uncomfortable and distracting for me.
- Elevated/heavy heartbeat
Kundalini tends to raise my heartbeat and or increase the pressure of
my heartbeat, both of these effects can be distracting and lead to other
effects such as sweating or cold extremities. It also tends to muddle
my thinking and focus my thoughts on the sensation of a throbbing in
my head/neck/chest. This effect can cause me to mistype what I am writing
and means I cannot focus properly on my work. It rarely drives me in
the direction of thinking about non-work issues, it is a stagnating
problem meaning nothing gets done. Subsequent to this symptom I tend
to be mentally tired/exhausted. I tend to be less inclined to talk to
others during this symptom and am happy to be sat alone at my desk.
Kundalini symptoms
- Pressure at base of spine
I often feel a sensation in my lower back which I equate to Kundalini
beginning to activate but not rising as the conditions are not right.
To sit at my desk with this going on is distracting and uncomfortable,
not only because of the feeling of pressure, but also because I wish
it would get on with it and rise to become a Kundalini surge. The kind
of undecided circling that it does is frustrating and prevents me from
working, I tend to go for a walk when this happens.
- Surge
Kundalini when active can tend to tease me in the office, with feelings
rising slightly in one Nadi only to sink back and just tickle the base
of my spine. This can be pleasurable, but also distracting and can prevent
me from working steadily. I’ve not yet had a full blown cascade of Kundalini
surges, but I’ve had the odd single surge, seemingly just to remind
me of its presence in my system.
- Altered states of mind
If I have an altered state of mind due to Kundalini at work I think
it will be very hard for me to behave normally, it has only happened
to me once so far and I took off out of the office, but I will not be
able to work properly and I will be in danger of acting against my better
interests, and depending on what happens this may end my career, so
I hope that my track record continues.
- Bliss
It doesn't happen often but on occasion I have had the positive effect
of Kundalini in the office following a single surge, and when the bliss
kicks in I feel great, but it does have a detrimental effect on my work.
I tend not to care about my work and lose interest in doing anything,
my mood is high and I am more likely to wander off to the kitchen and
talk to someone about anything but work. This obviously means I will
not complete my tasks and could lead to trouble for me, thankfully this
has not yet happened and I hope it continues this way.
Lastly, I have thought quite often that I should quit my job, but I cannot for metaphysical reasons as much as realistic ones. I have gotten this far being who I am, and despite people trying to change me. I believe it is my role in this life to stand and fight, and I cannot self-terminate. I am committed to the truth 100% and will tell it despite the craziness going on inside me thanks to Kundalini. I am reminded of a Disney movie my kids keep watching and a song from it that goes:
"Here I stand, and here I'll stay, let the storm rage on."
