Integrating a Kundalini Awakening: Positives

Iíd like to begin this video with a statement about my awakening experience. It was sudden and unexpected and happened without my knowledge of what was going on. I know this is said often, but I really didnít know what Kundalini was until after my awakening. The word Kundalini came to me on the wind, it was as if I suddenly knew that this experience was Kundalini, but I still didnít know what it meant. I began to research the term and quickly found that my experience was a match for the signs, symptoms, and experiences known about by a few Indian Yogis. Later I found that the only text I had ever read that mentioned it was the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, however I had forgotten this snippet of information that Patanjali had only hinted at.
I believe that above my Raja Yoga practice of the eight limbs, it was simply my steadfast adherence to the truth and to goodness that ultimately lead to my awakening. I was put in trying situations in my life where I had the option of lying to make my life easier, and looking the other way to please people around me, but I chose the harder path of the truth, and I suffered for it. But it was principally this choice and decision that lead me to the test I would have to endure so that I may prove myself to God. I think it was also important for me to show the world what I was about, and I did this through the creation of a short lived internet chat show, and by publishing a novel on my learning.
The awakening itself was difficult for me, morbid, and for three days and nights I suffered mental disturbance and spiritual punishment like something out of a Paranormal Activity movie, before reaching a peak where I gave myself up for dead. Following this Kundalini rose to my crown chakra, the sahaswara, and I felt something I can only describe as a thousand orgasms lasting for tens of minutes, and I imagine that this must be what has been referred to as the ecstasy of the saints. Following this I was enveloped in the love of the creator that made me cry so hard for being blind to this before, and so grateful that I have had this opportunity to demonstrate my allegiance to good. Six months later I had a similar experience and this time attained Samadhi with a total cessation of ego an appearance of time stopping, and a grand vision of universe containing the pervasiveness of consciousness.
What I would like to add to the knowledge that Iím sure everyone watching this already has, is that I believe I forged a path to God on my own, using my own belief system, and by cherry picking bits and pieces from religions, philosophies, and spiritual practices. It is this new understanding that I can bring to the table. That you can directly contact God, on your own and in your own way, without the need for a vicar, a yogi, a congregation, a temple, or even a doctrine. You can do it on your own as an individual. If you have a pure heart, honest will, overcome obstacles in your life, and devote yourself to learning about the human experience, you too can reach an audience with God. Once you arrive at that point, you will be put to the test, and that test will be personal to you and your past.
What is God? Well in my experience, God is the source of all consciousness. It is a connection between the piece of consciousness you hold in your body, and the universeís consciousness. It is neither male nor female and it does not resemble a human body. It is pure energy, and while it is capable of love, it is not as many religions would have you believe. It seems to me that the Hinduís have the most complete and practical religion when it comes to reaching this universal consciousness, and I align myself predominantly with that thinking. Although the story of Jesus Christ on its own, and separate from the rest of the bible, is also noteworthy as an example of cosmic consciousness. I do not believe in one God or many gods, rather I believe in Polysolipsism and the source. This is the idea of many individual paths to the source that can coexist together, that my universe collaborates with your own and we both may connect with the source by our own methods.
What is the point of life? In my opinion it is in your lifetime to connect the source of consciousness, and then to listen for its will, and to act on its behalf.

Loss of anger/judgement
The first noticeable change I found post awakening was that I had lost all of my anger. I had been a rage monkey in periods of my life, and when I awoke to Kundalini, I found that I was so in awe of the nature of consciousness that I could never again be angry. I knew that I was loved by the divine force behind life itself, and that the universe had my back. In knowing this how could I be angry at anything in my life again? It all seemed so pointless to get upset over this and that, or one individuals doing over anotherís.
In time I realised that there was another angle at work here, I had stopped judging people and their acts. I couldnít now take anyoneís behaviour seriously enough for it to affect my mood, and as a result I just stopped judging them, and instead tried to offer an alternative positive take on their situation. Something that would hopefully make them think about why things might not be the way they saw them. In doing this my relationships with people seemed to be talked about by others, and I could get on with people who others disliked, and whatís more was that certain difficult individuals responded to me with respect and kindness. It was, and is surprising to me that I can see positives now where others cannot.

Middle way consistency
I find that my emotions are now following the rules of Raja yoga, in that there are no more highs and lows present in my life. Situations that previously made feel down and sad, donít affect me, and I guess almost regrettably, happy events donít make me feel happy any more. This middle way is part of the Yoga process and it allows for stability to grow in oneís life. Itís kind of like Pink Floydís song Comfortably Numb for me, with me being the child who has grown.
One of the most surprising and unexpected facets of Kundalini awakening for me is that I seem to have found the flow of life, or rather the groove in which the best music is played. I am living my life now without concern for my future, and I am living without ego, doing only what I need to do to stay in the groove, and the knowledge to navigate seems to come from beyond my senses. Iím not sure if Iím listening to the flow of the universe itself, or whether prayer brings it to me, but I am definitely driven to do some things, and others I simply leave. I donít spend a lot of time now thinking about things, I just act, and my actions seem to carry a weight that they didnít before when I was preoccupied with thinking about every detail. People seem to respond better to me and celebrate my work, when I donít really feel that Iím trying very hard, and that I always have more to give if needed. There is a puppet like aspect of existing this way, and the loss of free will essentially is what it is all about. But it is not like I am brainwashed by some evil director of MKUltra, and rather it is like acting on the will of the source, which is always loving and benevolent. I donít mind being a tool for good in a world that has gone bad.

You're a detective now, son. You're not allowed to believe in coincidence anymore. Those are the words of Commissioner Gordon from The Dark Knight Rises movie. They are so relevant to the post kundalini experience itís crazy to consider working out the odds of things happening as theyíd be too high. My life now is full of meetings and events, and witnessing acts that are synchronistic. My presence in any situation seems to be preordained and necessary for the outcome to be what the universe requires. Iíve learnt to go with the synchronicities, and to not fight them, and in doing so I simply find myself saying wow! A lot, to moments in my life that make me reflect and give thanks for the majesty of existence.

My will becoming reality, not what I want but what I need
What I refer to is the idea that the universe is providing me with exactly what I need, when I need it. It feels to me like a very fragile experience that could end at any time, and this is why Iím a little nervous about covering it. However I must communicate it and let others know. I do not wish to state that my desires are manifest and my every whim materialised before me, but that is how this could be perceived if it is not understood correctly. I donít get what I want, but I get what I need, and I listen for and go with the flow of the universe, and so far it is holding. I fear abusing this ability I have gained, as it too could be lost by a false move on my part, and I do not want to skip out of this musical groove I have found.

Bliss sensations/communication
Iíve had three major Kundalini events so far, with all which is associated with the experience, and I am on a daily basis not able to achieve the heights of that full on powerful experience. However I can feel Kundalini Shakti working in me, and I am subject to small doses of Kundalini radiation that seem to come on with a good deed that I have performed or a good thought, or correct conclusion that I draw, and especially when I offer thanks. When this happens I receive what I can only describe as a gift. I get a sensation that seems to run the opposite way a rising Kundalini, however it is definitely a relative as I recognise the associated electricity and bliss that comes with it. It is like taking a hit from the bong of manna that for a moment makes me feel amazing and offer gratitude to the source for being in this life I have been given.
This experience also mirrors as a form of communication with other consciousnessís. The subtle passage of the energy gives rise to knowledge of what is being asked or answered by another. I believe this is the understanding that mystics call vibrations, as the symptoms could easily be mistaken for vibration of different frequencies in the spine and nervous system. It is through this technique I was able to speak with the divine, and receive my instruction governing the latter half of my life.

In this lifetime Iíve stood at the edge of the pits of hell, and Iíve knelt at the opening doors of paradise, both are attainable by anyone living today. Iím sure there is more to come and Iím always amazed how much more there is to learn just when I thought I had reached the end of all there is to know. I am humbled by my experience and grateful for what Iíve been through. I know now that everything is about consciousness, and the material world is merely a symptom of the human experience. The universe is conscious and Kundalini is its messenger system, what we call reality is just illusion.


What's your experience?