Subconscious
Since my Kundalini awakening I have been aware of my subconscious becoming
a problem for me. It's like it has a mind of its own and where as I
used to be able to rely on it and it would obey me, now it is more enemy
than friend; doing it's own thing in spite of my intentions.
This chiefly manifests itself at night when I am trying to sleep, and my subconscious is busy keeping me awake and thinking about all manner of things. I used to be able to use meditatation to calm my body and my higher brain down and go to sleep peacefully, but now I can meditate all I like but some part of my subconscious is unquenchable and like some feral animal. I may even drop off to sleep only to wake half an hour later busily thinking about all that has happened during my day.
Sleeping drugs can help a little but sometimes even they are not enough to shut my subconscious up and stop its incessant energy running rampant around my system. I also get this effect during the day, although the problem has a different signature to it. During the day I get clammy hands and a hot sweat along with the frustrating repetitive thinking. If i'm not careful my thinking can turn negative and then I begin to feel nauseous.
I feel like I need some stronger form of meditation and mind control to be effective against this newly active facet of my brain, but I don't know how to approach this problem.
One thing I have thought in passing is that it may feed off of negative emotions and in a kind of controlling mechanism, and if I am not sending out love to my fellow mankind my subcosciousness punishes me. Is it even possible that a portion of my brain has started functioning as a love meter and if I am indifferent or negative about some situation it is monitoring and will let me know that it is not happy with me?
It feels like a loss of freedom to be upset, or even simply miffed about any particular event in my life, and I don't like it as I want to reserve the right to be angry at some of the BS that goes on around me. Love control doesn't make sense to me, but my experience of it says otherwise.
