Pigeon Theory

Does A always lead to B? Because of a proposition must their necessarily be only one supposition?

What does it mean to kill a bird? What message lies behind this? What is the world trying to tell me? Did I kill innocence maybe?

I had no desire to kill, my awareness could not have foreseen it, yet it happened. So I have to look at this from the other side. If I did not need this experience, and I did not call to it, then it must be that I am just playing a role in some other game. The "other" intentionally threw themselves at me, I had no choice, no option, no escape, no act of my own could have been preventitive, only destructive. No matter what I did, I could not avoid this.

But then maybe i'm just trying to make myself feel better about a shit situation. Where is the truth in this matter?

A+B=C

Action plus Belligerence equals Casualty. (That's me taking the blame)

A+S=D

Awareness plus Stupidity equals Death. (That's not my fault)

L+D=U

Long term plans + Death = Unknown. Where do i go from here? Does it matter? should I continue with my plans or should I drop them because of this event.

I must conitnue with my plans, for there is nothing wrong with them, they can only be a positive influence. However if I feel I can not go ahead then I must go fully the other way, to stop this right away and permantently.

I knew this day would come, I knew things would end up like this so why am I surprised to find myself here?

This is the juncture.

Today, you may remember an event that sums up your total life. We are always faced with a situation that is the same as one that we never resolved. Infinity always puts us in this terrible position of having to choose. We want infinity, but at the same time, we want to run away from it. You want to tell me to go and jump in a lake, but at the same time you are compelled to stay. It would be infinitely easier for you to just be compelled to stay.

Carlos Castaneda.