The beauty of my youth has gone,

but the chemicals remain.

Trynna finda way,
Nelly Furtado

More and more, as each day passes; I am feeling older. I have never noticed it before, not to this extent. I don't know what is causing it but this is so much worse than puberty ever was. I'm not 30 yet, but I am certainly feeling it.

I am saddened by the loss of my childhood but It's not all bad, I am feeling more confident than ever before, I possess the abilty to reason beyond anything I have been able to do before and it's an amazing feeling. I am also more disciplined than before, my motives in life are now clear and I know where I am going, and I know what love is, finally.

Like Nelly says, my chemicals are still with me, I still have a great anger at the world and rather than me turning inward and getting angry and depressed, I am exploring it and finding reasons for it.

This site is helping me in many ways, I don't care if people do not come here and read it, I am just happy to spend time writing out my thoughts for me to read at a later date.

I have actually been thinking of moving the site on, I believe my personity has surpassed this format, I may look to creating an extension to the site that is lighter in nature and contains imagery that is less dark, in both senses of the word.

Still... so long childhood, you lasted longer in me than in others and I am greatfull for that. I have never been in a hurry to grow up and it has happened in its own time and in its own way. I have great memories and I will always remember how to be free like a child.