I am so worried that this feeling will leave me...
I feel that I have woken up this day a new person, and I mean that in both senses of the phrase. I have shed this old, heavy, rain sodden coat. I've stripped down the torn and ragged clothes that I wear underneath, and I stand before this world; naked and shivering in awe.
... I don't want it to...
I look back over the last few months of my life and I think I was going mad. Quietly, softly, and internally. My inner monologue was playing games with me and I was not seeing things as they are.
...How can I hold onto that which shall surely fade...
I wonder if drugs are a part of the prolem? I got drunk last night and that seems to have brought me out of the game, but does getting drunk and smoking pot put me there in the first place?
While they seem to bring clarity and knowledge, maybe that could be again part of the problem. I keep thinking that this could still be just another part of the game, that I am just playing at being clear headed and sane!
...How can I remember this feeling in the months to come...
It strikes me that I am not alone in this game playing. People around me must be doing it all the time. Surely by the very fact that I do it; others must also be playing games with themselves.
How do you spot the games players? I guess you'd have to live with one. How can I tell if someone is lost in the blurr of themselves? it is revealed in their distance.
...I can feel it going...
Do some people never come out of it? Realise that what they were doing is a joke? It's possible, probable even.