Death of the Ego...

I stepped outside myself the other night, with some help from some white widow pot. I found that I occupied a space that was not personality driven. In fact I was watching my personality work as if I was watching an actor rehearsing his lines, i wasn't floating round the room or anything like that but words I spoke and things I did, were visible to be as character traits. It became obvious to me, that as humans we run our lives in a series of repeated scenarios, by this I mean that we react to things in certain ways; verbally and physically, because we know the response we will get and we like it.


We have a repertoire of scenarios at our disposal that we use in situations to make them work to our advantage, of course they don't always work, but they are modifiable. I think that what we are doing in everyday life is fooling ourselves and living in a complete fantasy world, but this is not necessarily a bad thing, infact absolutely necessary now that i think about it. There's far to much information to take in all at once.

To take a step out of this was an amazing eye opener, as you would not normally be aware of any other existence being possible. I Believe upon reflection that this is the experience known as "Death of the Ego" that I have read about.


What would happen if you lived in this other existence permanently, how would you communicate with others, i don't think you could! The games that people play all the time, all around you would be obvious to you and your wouldn't play along. Very quickly you would become isolated and alone.

This is probably why I have fallen out with friends in the past, they starting playing a game with a different set of rules and with different players, so when we spoke they forgot that I was not one of those players and I was incompatible with the game, and they with mine.

Is true growing up stopping yourself playing these games and treating people from a non game paying perspective? Certainly people can go there whole lives without growing up. 

This realisation feels like being shown what the matrix is!


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