What do you do when a madman starts talking nonsense at you? I guess
most poeple would ignore it until it became a distraction and then tell
the person to fuck off. Well I engaged a madman in a pub from the beginning,
what followed was one of the strangest experiences i've ever had in a
The guy was old; he was 60+ and appeared to have been drinking, he had
a kind face but there was something missing up top, and I don't just mean
I was sat with three friends in a pub when he leans over and asks if
we think we have seen a lot? Dan and I thought he was being a cheeky bugger
and had been listening to our conversation and had something to say like;
when you reach my age you will have seen a lot of stuff, you young men
don't know what you are talking about.
Strange thing was that this is not what he meant and conversation took
a bizzare direction:
'Have you seen a lot?'
'eh? what did you say?'
'do you think you have seen a lot?'
'Sorry, it's hard to hear what you are saying.'
'Do you think you've seen lots?'
Strange glances are exchanged between me and my friends.
'I don't understand, what do you mean?'
'There's something I want to tell you.'
'What is it?
'I can't tell you.'
The man begins to look very agitated, his eyes sart to well up and he
stares at me trying to find words. I turn to John and say to him that
this is very much like the film we watched the night before where God
turned out to be an angry drunken Glaswegian who asks lots of strange
questions and turns men into fly's.
'Can i tell you?' The man starts up again.
'What do you want to tell me?'
'I'm going to die.'
'Well it happens to us all.' I said in a matter of fact way.
'you have to help me? you have to stay with me.'
'What? what are you on about?'
'I'm dieing, you have to stay with me.' His agitation reaches a new high
where he nervously wipes the length of his face with his hand and stares
out at the pub before shaking his head in a kind of psychotic way.
'You have to stay with me Sir. please stay with me.'
'What do you mean?'
Dan is getting very nervous now and as he is sitting next to the man I
suggest he go and get us some drinks, but he doesn't want to and remains
between me and this very serious and disturbed man.
'Please Sir, you must stay with me, I'm flying with only one wing'
'My Lord I only have one wing?'
'I don't know what you mean?'
'My Lord, you must stay with me.'
'I can't stay with you, I have to go home tonight, I will leave you. Why
do you want me to stay with you?'
Dan and I exchange glances, I look to John and Thomas and they are trying
to hold a normal conversation and ignore the man.
'Please Sir, my Lord, you can't go. you have crippled me.'
We are all getting a little to freaked by this point and we talk about
moving on. This man is looking at me with a knowing stare, he sees something
in me but I don't know what, he has fixated on me and my friends are no
longer there to him. He has a seriousness that is so real and an honesty
that is childlike.
We decide to leave and get up to go, I feel that I really do not want
this nutter to be ofended by me, so I go to shake the mans hand and say
goodbye. This way he's less likey to jump me and stick a knife in me.
At first he's not keen and refuses the handshake, but as I persist in
holding out my hand he takes it, and just holds it.
'Goodbye, you're going to be fine.' I say
'My Lord, it's you, it is you.' The man is getting excited.
'Sir, my Lord it is you, isn't it?'
' what are you on about?'
He grasps my arm with his other hand and his hold tightens. I kind of
expected this; standard nutter behaviour.
'Don't leave my Lord, stay with me.' The man is now shuffling around in
his seat and looking very happy and far more animated than he did before.
For whatever reason I can't help but smile, I fight it but it returns.
'It is you, my Lord it's you.'
I pull my hand free and leave.
Make of this what you will, I flattly refuse to make anything of it.
There's something about the eyes of madmen; they're clear,
transparent, it's like you can see directly into their soul.