Damn, i'm so stupid. I have overlooked one very important facet of the human condition. The need to be needed.

As crazy as it sounds to me, people want to be used, they derive satisfaction from being asked to do things time and time again. They want to be used and abused, to not use them, to be independant shows those trapped in the game that they are worthless and unimportant, surpluss to requirements. They derive pleaseure from an unpleaseurable situation. God we're fucked up.

I am fiercely independant, i judge myself on how much i can do for myself and for others. I do this because it is my ideal, my perfection, my crutch. I am a loner, but to get by in the game, nay to win at the game i have to be the most needy person around, if i have a bunch of people running round after me they are happy and so am i (in the game).

At the moment, people tell me they need me and i get angry, i say; do it yourself (either out loud or in my head) I disrespect neediness, it is a weekness. As long as i'm out of the game its fine, and it works, all major philosophies hold this as their goal. But I cannot live outside of the game.

I have to need people and get them to do things for me, even if i am perfectly capable of doing things for myself.