I have resisted writing about this until I knew how I felt about it. I have waited, but I still do not know.

So I will write now anyway...

I have been made redundant from my place of work, I have been told that my position is in the company is no longer needed.

I was initially not shocked at all to be told, really! Given the waves i had made in the company recently I had closed all doors that might have been open to me, this was the only logical step for them to take.

How do I feel about this?

I have been ejected from a company that didn't know how to deal with me. Rather than find out, they droppped me. Easier for them not to face their responsibilities than to deal with them.

I did not however expect to feel as numb as I did. I thought that I would be happy and laughing, and while there was a small part of me that was laughing, on the whole I was just sober and taking it like it was just another day.

This I think shocked my boss and the personnel manager who sat with us. I think they had hoped it would be a suprise for me and would make me angry. In fact I had the suprise for them as they asked me what I thought I would do now, and I told them I already had an interview for a new job lined up on the following monday.

In the days that have followed; I have been through a mix of emotions and I am still finding it difficult to deviate from the i'm alright frame of mind. I asked my girlfriend if she thought I would one day soon just explode into tears or something. She thought not, and I tend to agree with her. Carlos has brought me to this point in my life and I can face it like a warrior. Trouble is, what do I do now?

The world is my oyster, but all i can think of doing is getting back into a similar job as quickly as possible, and I feel that I would not be at ease until I do this. Something in me is telling me that this is all wrong, so came up with three ideas of how to spend my time.

1) The practical approach - I get a job asap, any job, to bring in a few pennies and make the most of the redundancy money I have been given.

2) The creative approach - I use the time to do something creative like write a book and not worry about the job situation.

3) The immature approach - I get pissed every night, go out and have a wild time, and maybe take a holiday. Basically use up all the money I have been given in no time at all.

I am undecided as to which path I will take but I have to make a choice because I feel at the moment that I am in limbo and nothing comes from nothing.