First rule of philosophy is; no one out there is able to give you the answers you seek.
Second rule of philosophy is; sharing your ideas with people will not help you, at all.

Philosophy is a curious and painful journey of SELF discovery. You will find the answers you seek but they will not be found in the eyes of others, nor will you find your truths in the spoken words of others. Instead the written testament is the only safe place to learn from.