What the fuck is going on?


Life is throwing some weird shit at me.

I am experiencing a period of a deep unsatisfied feeling.

It is with me all of the time, and it is either coming from the people around me, or I am causing it in others. 

I don't really know how to explain it. It's like I am achieving more than ever before and my life in general is just getting better. However, the better it gets, the more uncomfortable I become. I am experiencing bouts of heightened enjoyment, and lows of extreme sadness.

The same appears to be happing to the people around me, and I am having a big problem communicating with them. It's like, my housemate, girlfriend, other friends, are all becoming background static, but the most worrying thing is that I too am becoming part of the static, I am being pulled into something, I am being reshaped, again my perceptions are changing, things are not the way they were before. What is this?

Too call it a fog is maybe suggesting that it has some weight, which it doesn't, but if you can imagine an invisible fog surrounding you, clouding your thoughts, while making certain things clearer, things i'd rather not speak of, then you are getting closer.

Fate has always been a clear and laser straight view of life, that has followed me until now. Now I am finding that it has been diffracted. I look back on events, and instead of fate showing me what happened, it is just throwing up its arms and shouting, I don't know, it's up to you now!

Where do I go from here, I don't know, I don't even know how to know where to go. My life is not bad, and yet I feel so unsatisfied. Like there is more, I am wasting myself. This is not the first time that i have felt this, so maybe it is a growing experience, I can't think about this now.

Fuck it.



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