The Fightback

it's been a little time since I learned about the Ego and set about normalising it and ultimately ridding myself of it.

I have been trying to do this by constantly checking my thoughts and through meditation. But i am finding that after about a month, my Ego is fighting back, and I catch myself getting back into old ways; laziness, apathy, depression.

It is becoming harder to be desireless and aversionless, meditation doesn't seem to be having the uplifting effects that it did, and the things I meditate on seem to lead nowhere, so i'm doing that less. I'm not doing any exercise at the moment so that could be a contributing factor. Also I have not had a decent pot smoking experience recently, so although I now have a new stash I can't be bothered with it.

I read that this would happen to me, and to keep going regardless, but it is increasingly difficult, i guess i'm looking for some support?

I find it interesting that Joe has just come back to the board as i am having problems and i know he's going to have some things to say when he reads this.

I'm wondering if at first this was easy because my Ego was fooling me into thinking I was getting somewhere, but i was actually still trapped by it.

Now it is bored with the whole concept and wants me to stop maybe? so could this be where I really begin the path of enlightenment?


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